just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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