his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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