i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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