i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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