he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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