I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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