So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
