New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
