Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Too much gin, very little bucket
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
