We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
