My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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