just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
