Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
