I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
