I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Someone came in the potted fern
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
