Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
