so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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