All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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