My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
