She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
