my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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