So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
