You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
