you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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