I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
