im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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