Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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