You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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