im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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