pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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