My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
