Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He has the fingertips of a God
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