Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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