Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
