some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
