how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
40s are totally the cure
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
