I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
