I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i came on her dog
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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