If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
