I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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