Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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