I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
