Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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