Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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