Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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