I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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