Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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