im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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