I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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