He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?