im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor