Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.

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(248): new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home. http://tfl.nu/dmz8

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(817): View more from Texas

i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

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(817): i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side http://tfl.nu/uejy

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(817): View more from Texas

She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.

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(817): She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up. http://tfl.nu/2rkk

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

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(780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q

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(817): View more from Texas

besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer

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(817): besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer http://tfl.nu/fbgv

Replies (7) Good night (2086) Bad night (1038)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?

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(662): He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people? http://tfl.nu/km81

Replies (9) Good night (1103) Bad night (3382)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

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(484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg

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(732): View more from New Jersey

please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

...i wondered where i left that...

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(732): please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong... (1-732): ...i wondered where i left that... http://tfl.nu/q7mv

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(706): View more from Georgia

Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?

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(706): Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son? http://tfl.nu/k5tb

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(630): View more from Illinois

I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.

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(630): I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode. http://tfl.nu/h8l8

Replies (11) Good night (3152) Bad night (816)
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(503): View more from Oregon

ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.

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(503): ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help. http://tfl.nu/liab

Replies (9) Good night (1148) Bad night (739)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.

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(613): I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated. http://tfl.nu/yhxc

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(540): View more from Virginia

I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?

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(540): I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey? http://tfl.nu/z446

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(850): View more from Florida

I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.

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(850): I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind. http://tfl.nu/d3v3

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(301): View more from Maryland

I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits

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(301): I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits http://tfl.nu/pmw9

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