Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so let's talk penis.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.