I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh