Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level