I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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