Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
