It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.