Me. At least after what I've been through.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
