Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize