just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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