Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
