yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ketchup is God's man juice
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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