totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
