Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
