so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
