where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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