just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
