so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize