I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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