i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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