matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
