well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
