I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
