hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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